#like what do you mean Cas is having his gay awakening and not talking to Claire about it

[thenameisgul]

fanfic writers who don’t suddenly forget that claire is also a part of Cas’ family even if spn writers did, are doing god’s work ngl

[bunk12bear]

Supernatural!xStranger Things crossover idea

Hey first of all since this is my idea it would feature destiel and steddie and obviously this which features some pretty heavy Cannon changes for both franchises. I'm probably not going to write this because I don't remember enough about supernatural but if by chance somebody does want to write this I would be very honored and just asked to be credited for the idea

Eddie survives the upside down goes on to graduate and deals with upside down nonsense for a little bit before it seems like they beat it for good. He and Steve get together at some point and Coroded coffin go on to become decently well known.

Cut to 1992 and a 13-year-old Dean Winchester has once again been left alone by John so has gone out to steal food for him and Sam and comes across corroded coffins new album (with a picture of the band on the cover) and decides to steal it too( because he wants to explore music beyond what his dad likes definitely not because he thinks the lead guitarist / front man is hot) cute heavily repressed bisexual Awakening.

10 years later 2002 Sam has gone off to college and John is once again in a bout of blaming Dean for it. Eddie and Steve's relationship gets outed to the public and John makes some homophobic comments about it. Meanwhile, a still heavily repressed Dean is freaking the fuck out because the Rockstar he definitely doesn't have a crush on what are you talking about, is gay. Maybe this revelation leads to some...interesting dreams but Dean avoidd thinking about them because he likes girls he can't be gay. Then a couple weeks later Steve ends up giving an interview about his and Eddie's relationship in which he says hes bisexual and explains what that means. Dean has a brief moment of self realization until John shuts it down with some classic biphobic comment about bisexuality not being real and it's just people looking for attention or something and still fearing and wanting to please his dad Dean goes back to repressing his sexuality

10 years after that 2012 Sam dean and cas (forgive me if they weren't all traveling together in 2012 I haven't watched the show in several years) hear about weird goings-on in a little town called Hawkins Indiana and decide to go out there to investigate. The weird goings-on are of course something to do with the upside down to the party convenes on Hawkins to deal with it. Sam and Dean find out about the upside down and the two groups bump into each other. After a moment of then there's nothing to worry about here innocent civilianing each other they team up to fight whatever is terrorizing Hawkins. Dean is mentally freaking out the whole time because his Crush Idol is also a monster hunter and watching him fight off interdimensional monsters with a makeshift Spear and a nail Shield is extremely hot badass. Maybe after one fight Dean walks in on Steven and Eddie patching each other's wounds tenderly and maybe even sharing a couple of kisses and tries very hard not to think about how much he wants that with Cas. In moments where they don't have fighting to distract them Dean definitely puts on his like Macho Man front to hide the fact that he still finds Eddie extremely attractive and of course Eddie's been in the public eye long enough to know what it's like when a man who's pretending to be straight as a crush on him so he sees right through the act. Something happens maybe Eddie's "protect lost Lambs" instinct kicks in and ends up sitting Dean down for a "you're allowed to like men it's okay being bisexual" talk. Dean comes to terms with his sexuality and gets together with Cass a full 7 years before he does it in Canon and they have the closest thing to a happily ever after that you can in Supernatural

bonus

Charlie( if they've met her and she's alive again don't remember much about the timeline anymore); are you kidding me Dean I've been trying for ages to get you into Dungeons & Dragons and you kept calling it a stupid pretend game for children but your celebrity crush asked you about it once and now it's the coolest thing ever?

Dean frantically looking through the small amount of clothes he has for things that he thinks Eddie would find cool.

Sam makes some crack about him being like a middle school girl who thinks that she can make her favorite boy band member fall in love with her at the concert.

Dean God I can't believe I'm on a hunt with Eddie Munson God he's so cool

Eddie in the distance being the weird nerd that he is

Sam yeah that's not the word I would choose to describe him but okay

[jjongleurs]

Here we are, yet again on my great 2020 re-watch of Supernatural. Just for a bit of context: I have not watched these earlier seasons in maybe about 6 or 7 years, and although I do remember some some things like general plot and some of my favorite moments, a lot of it is pretty blank. Between then and now, I have also had my Great Bi Awakening (this is a little important for when I get to talking about bi Dean). 

I am now on 5x3 “Free to Be You and Me” and THIS EPISODE. Before I start babbling about how much I love this episode and the multitude of reasons why, let me just debrief about what I have seen so far of the Dean and Cas dynamic. 

They started out simply just working together, but they’ve slowly built up trust and some affection for one another at this point. It’s still very fresh and new, and it’s starting to solidify into their friendship. Dean has begun to genuinely trust and depend on Cas which is HUGE, and Cas... oof. Cas has already started to have feelings for Dean he doesn’t understand. We see him struggle with these feelings through his facial expressions quite a bit. The confused head tilt we all know and love, and the more subtle yet somehow more obvious look.

Start playing at 1:24 to see what I mean by the look. Cas observes intensely, then looks down. I think in this particular instance Cas was feeling some kind of faint jealousy he doesn’t know how to recognize yet. We all know Cas had begun to change from the moment he pulled Dean out of Hell, and with that came human emotions. Moments like this keep happening in regards to Dean, and its not always exactly romantic. Cas often has these moments where the gears turning inside his head are practically visible as he tries to decipher whatever new emotion Dean stirs up in him. Here it was jealousy, but we have also seen doubt, defiance, affection, and the emotion we are beginning to see more and more often is care, specifically towards Dean and humanity. Cas’ feelings for Dean start developing in season 4, but Dean’s? They start developing in season 5. 

This is where my blabbering on how much I love 5x3 begins. Dean, the ever repressed bisexual—yes, even before Cas, it was becoming apparent around 2x11, I can also make a post about this if y’all want—has already cemented his friendship with Cas, but now he’s dealing with attraction! This attraction, I think, is both of the romantic and physical sort. And Dean’s already kicking himself for it.

So, this is where my background (and many of yours, I believe) as a queer person becomes important in deciphering Dean’s attraction to Cas. When I first saw these episodes for the first time, I had no idea who I was (well, the sheer amount of repression I dealt with made it so) and was doing the same dumb things as Dean. Now, having come to understand myself and my past actions as a bi person, I feel like I can understand Dean, too.

Firstly, let’s take a look at the Thelma and Louise clip from this episode. For context, it’s a reference to a movie which ends with two women, friends who have been through a lot together, holding hands and kissing before driving their car off a cliff to escape being captured by the authorities.

Dean here is drawing parallels between himself and Cas to Thelma and  Louise which FLOORS me every time. This is also where I think the romantic attraction comes in because Thelma and Louise is the reference he chose to make. This is where my experience as a dumb, repressed bisexual comes into play. It’s hard to articulate what this exactly means to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but being a repressed bi comes with something akin to intrusive thoughts (which are just the gay feelings we don’t yet understand) and lack of a filter at times. Not to mention the mentally kicking oneself à la why did I even say that, that was so stupid of me, what does that even MEAN, oh my god I can never speak to this person again why am I so dumb. You can see Dean doing just this and mentally kicking himself at 0:14 where he’s closing his eyes for a second and slightly shaking his head. He knows what he just said is low-key REALLY gay, and it doesn’t matter that Cas doesn’t understand the reference because HE understands it but he has no clue why he said it. He probably laid in bed awake in the middle of the night ages later asking himself why the hell did I say that???

Second, this hilariously glorious clip wherein Dean says, with certainty, that Bert and Ernie are gay and that Cas isn’t going to die a virgin.

Dean is amused and surprised by the fact that Cas hasn’t done the deed, and I can almost certainly guarantee that his first thought wasn’t to take Cas to a brothel. His first thought was probably a more... involved plan *cough cough* but he treated that like an intrusive thought like the poor repressed bastard he is.  The reason why I think this? The “There are two things I know for certain: 1) Bert and Ernie are gay, 2) you are not gonna die a virgin.” line. There was NO REASON for those two things to be put in the same sentence other than the weird inner-workings of the repressed bisexual. See, our brains are kinda funny like that. Even when we are trying our hardest to not think about our physical/romantic/whatever attraction to someone in a non-heterosexual manner, sometimes we fail spectacularly. The filter between our mouths and brains? Temporarily gone sometimes. Things just slip out without us meaning them to, and sometimes they’re accidentally super gay. 

(Also, because I can’t just not mention it, Cas being all flustered and ruffled feathers about being asked if he’s a virgin by the one human that makes him feel things? *chef’s kiss*)

In conclusion, Dean is a disaster bi and Cas is starting to feel things. This is the first episode I can point to and say, specifically in regards to Dean and Cas, there is no heterosexual explanation for this. And it’s just the beginning.

[buddiewho]

What’s it to you?

*Long post ahead

There is something on my mind. It’s called Occam’s Razor. The definition I know is, or rather the interpretation in my head is, it’s a gray area, a fine line. So for example, when it comes to Buck and Eddie, I do believe they play right on the Occam’s Razor. The fact that they could be this or they could be that, riding that fine line, which one is true? 

Picture this and imagine you’re seeing jealous Buck:

Option 1: Jealous Buck idea pushes the razor to the more romantic, buried feelings thing we Buddie clowns are thinking about. 

Option 2: If you don't view it that way, you could then simply see Buck maybe panicking because of his abandonment issues. For example, Buck’s reaction face becomes more like heyo Eddie doesn’t just get to so easily partner off with another firefighter outside the 118 like that [in this case being him or Hen as Eddie’s only option Buck accepts] until they finally ease into helping the 126 with these fires, Buck himself even. 

Option 3: We’re speculating our asses off no matter if you believe in option 1 and/or 2, and we do not yet know what’s going on in this scene...

Therefore we’re split down the razor’s edge. Then I also think of this video. The fact that Buck and Eddie fall under the “just let the bromos be homos?” category. They have the cooked up potential for something more and not to just remain a “healthy male friendship.” When we have proper queer representation in combination with “healthy male friendship” then we can talk about the latter. I’m trying to rack my brain for healthy male friendships, but I come back to that video and the laundry list of mlm couples in the just let the bromos be homos category. My brain wanted to say FinnPoe from Star Wars as a healthy male friendship, but then that’s still part of the same category and all I can hear is Oscar Isaac praising the notion that these two characters could be falling in love during wartime...but apparently Disney/the world isn’t ready for that...? 

The problem is I cannot think of any representation for healthy male friendships. I keep thinking Shawn Spencer and Burton “Gus” Guster from Psych, but even then there were definite issues surrounding their friendship...if you watched that show. Now, with that show I did believe that Shawn Spencer is bisexual, but I don't headcanon that his awakening happened with Gus. It just happened and he’s known about it for most of his life (like since 18 probably) and Gus knows it too. But again it’s never explicitly made so, it’s always hinted at though. Also, don't get started on Teen Wolf if you’re thinking about that one. I don't pay any attention and maybe it’s because I may not be seeking it out...but I cannot think of a single thing I’ve watched with healthy friendships, save for perhaps in Thor Ragnarok the trio that is Hulk/Banner, Thor and Valkyrie when they’re not fighting each other. Though, there is the case of Gary and Miranda in the BBC show called Miranda. They could’ve had a good run as just friends, but clearly it wasn’t unheard of to think of a hetero pairing starting off as just friends to become more, obvi. Back to 911...

As we teeter this Occam’s Razor, all I ask for is explicit admittance from Buck that he is bisexual. Just for him to say it to close friends and family.  For him to feel okay with the fact that he likes boys too. So yes, he has little or no experience, but he can’t help but feel attracted to men as well. Banking on the South America exploration/runaway to expound on this some more. That yes, Buck has known about his bisexuality and does know how he truly feels, but for whatever reasons he’s not ready to show/tell those true feelings to anyone else. For whatever reasons he had to build/hide behind the chaotic sex addicted punk persona that he named Buck 1.0. 

I also don't believe that everything needs to be boxed into a corner. 911 was the show that sparked a procedural TV drama to life and thus it created 911 Lonestar as a way to probably showcase a different state and how they handle these emergencies/fires. Who the hell knows, perhaps it’s just for more money? It’s just I don't think it’s a matter of 911 is the mostly “hetero show” whereas 911 Lonestar is “the show for the gays” because it has the canon gay couple. Well, for the record 911 also has a canon lesbian/gay couple; Hen and Karen. What I mean to say is that irl there are LGBT+ folk everywhere, therefore more of them can appear as characters in 911, or even in Lonestar as well. LGBT+ people live in CA and TX; sometimes 911 did the peripheral gay couples who found themselves caught in an emergency situation (the boy with the crush outside the coffee shop, that couple in which one of them had tapeworm and Buck nonchalantly just yanked that thing out...and then of course the older couple who were so graciously paralleled to Buck…). Oh, you can’t forget Josh in 911, who also seemingly thought Maddie was once setting him up with Buck. Also note it wasn’t written as Buck denying Josh on that thought. He just ran with it, no qualms, and we didn’t have some unnecessary “no homo” backlash which leaves room for us to say wait, a gosh darn minute? Are we still leaving room for Buck figuring something out and/or coming closer to accepting himself? Ps. It also wasn’t written for Maddie to decline the notion either. She of course jokingly said her brother wasn’t good enough for Josh and honestly, I think we got {Oliver playing} Buck as a bit offended by Maddie doing that. 

Buck is also a double edged sword. So is Eddie. You have two men presented as so strong, so masculine that the instant it’s thought they might like men, it’s damaging to their masculinity somehow. That’s called toxic masculinity which is something Buck and even Eddie occasionally fall into. I think they’ve definitely grown out of that with the help of others and each other even, but I think this is why us crazy shippers wanting Buddie and/or Buck revealed as bisexual is so jarring to others- Toxic masculinity? Fragility? The fact that if men like Buck and Eddie are viewed to be gay/bi then it hurts this notion of what it means to be a strong man. But let’s box it into a corner because 911 Lonestar is the gay show and thus we think less of the characters TK and Carlos because they are gay- not all equivalent in strength to the “healthy male friendship” that is Buck and Eddie? When in fact the four of these characters have similarities? TK and Buck are so very reckless, dive in no questions asked kind of thing and it seems to me that Eddie and Carlos would be the take orders kind of men. They will fall in line with the occasional reckless decision...so therefore they have more similarities than just the four of them belonging to the LGBT+ community...or regardless of if they do all belong in that community together- the whole point is that in real life the Buck and Eddie dynamic of a friendship (or the possibility of something more, as one or both characters coming to terms with their sexuality) exists in the same world with relationships that are similar to TK and Carlos’. So the two supposed bromos (just friends) exist in the same world as the homos...therefore unboxing the shows from their corners entirely.

Another thing that I think this thing around Buck is falling prey to, is that bi guys are just faking it. It’s one stop on the way to figuring out that “they’re actually just gay.” Except no that’s not the case with bisexuality. For some people, it could be, but from what I see with Buck it’s not that at all. He’s bisexual, that’s that. 

Also, most everyone thinks those who ship Buddie want Buck revealed as bisexual to only be with Eddie and to see two sexy men get it on. Honestly, 911 Lonestar did provide sufficiently with that, because them TK and Carlos scenes are downright drool worthy, but that’s not all I came for. Anyway, I clocked Buck as possibly bi in season 1- the full moon ep, where yes he’s getting closer to Abby, but damn does he get on well with that gay guy who had tapeworm. Well, shit. Then after Eddie’s introduction they go on to parallel Buck to that older gay couple...anyhow, it’s just why keep putting Buck in a queer space and then not run with that? Yes, sure there are strong straight allies to the LGBT+ community, but Buck doesn’t read heterosexual ally to me, it feels more like the LGBT+ community is where he belongs. I’d say Eddie Diaz belongs there too, but he’s like a mystery on this front. I think he understands his feelings/attractions towards men and he’d respond like yeah, sure, they’ve been there, but I haven’t done shit about them and I haven’t labelled them [gay/bi]. What’s it to you? And if eventually this involved Buck, he’d be like yeah, so I’m head over heels for that smart and lovable reckless idiot, what else do you want me to say?

[dreamofasupernaturalchamber]

Dabb's Dream of a Red Chamber: Death's Library (Bo Ming Si) and Dean as Qin Keqing

I've seen a lot of SPN meta on this website, and in typical fashion, I'm YEARS late to the game. But I think there are some things that can only be understood in retrospect, and SPN's structure is one of them. What I'm trying to say is this: when Dabb took over, he turned Supernatural, a Western show about saving people and hunting things, into Dream of a Red Mansion, a Chinese literary classic about inter and intra family conflicts, class conflicts, political conflicts, and above all-- women.

Yes, I know how absurd this sounds. Why on earth would Dabb do that? My guess: because there is no surpassing Dream of a Red Chamber when it comes to metafiction-- the answer to the question "why metafiction?" will probably devolve into speculation about the network, so I won't get into it now.

What really tipped me off was that scene in 13x05, where Dean tries to commit suicide, but ends up Death's library instead. Some necessary background info: there is a scene in the first few chapters of Dream of the Red Chambers where Baoyu takes a nap in Qin Keqing's room (which is scandalous in its own right) and is transported to Taixu Huanjing, a dream world of goddesses in another dimension. The English translation? Taixu = The Void (note how this corresponds to the Empty, which makes its first appearance in 13x04), Huanjing = Dream World. Baoyu comes upon Jinghuan Xianzi, the goddess in charge of this world, who then takes him into a library called Bo Ming Si-- the Office of Unlucky Women-- and shows him books containing the fates of all the women in his family.

Does this sound familiar? Because it should. Here's a screenshot of Bo Ming Si from the 2010 adaptation:

A screenshot of Jinghuan Xianzi leading Baoyu through Bo Ming SI:

A screenshot of how the books are kept:

Now let's take a look at Death's library (pics from Superwiki):

Look at how the books are stacked in both shows. The reason they're stacked horizontally in Dream of a Red Chamber is that Chinese books tend to be very soft. The reason they're stacked horizontally in SPN is???

But that's just a coincidence, you might say. But Dabb doesn't just stop there. He borrows symbols, motifs, character relationships, family conflicts, and more from Dream of a Red Chamber-- he even borrows the structure. I'll talk about the structure and the motifs in another post-- today I'm here to talk about Dean.

Readers familiar with Dream of a Red Chamber might ask at this point-- is Dean Baoyu? No. (I'll talk about Cas, Jack, and Baoyu in a separate post.) So who is Dean?

Billie tells Dean that "every notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how [he] die[s]." Let's see what Jinghuan Xianzi tells Baoyu-- he's shown three volumes titled "The Twelve Beauties of Jinling." The main volume records the ladies of his household, the second volume records the concubines, and the last volume records the maids.

Dean gets multiple notebooks because he's a combination of multiple characters from the first volume-- he starts off as Qin Keqing, who has multiple identities in the book, despite dying within the first thirteen chapters. Who is Qin Keqing? She is:

- the younger sister of Jinghuan Xianzi.

- the one who teaches Baoyu the matters of love in the dream world. She is his sexual awakening, and even though she doesn't do anything more scandalous than let Baoyu sleep on her bed in the human world, her brother is Baoyu's introduction to gay sex.

- the wife of the first and only son of the legal wife of the older branch of the Jia family. In other words, she's the wife of the future head of the household.

- there are theories that she may be the daughter of a prince who lost power, but I doubt those count for much here.

- she "dies from illness" but according to the "The Twelve Beauties of Jinling," she hangs herself after everyone learns that her father-in-law raped her.

- her death signals the beginning of the end of the four major families; her funeral is far too lavish, as is her coffin (it's made from wood that was originally reserved for a prince's funeral), and it's hinted that this is the beginning of the end of the Jia family, because they've reached above their station.

Now let's see how this matches up with Dean. We know that he:

- has played the reaper and has a special connection with Death.

- teaches Jack about romantic love in 14x06.

- is the head of the household.

- is possessed by Michael at the end of S13, an experience that's coded as rape, and is suicidal for most of S14 as a result. He then brings back a special coffin, which later causes Jack to lose control, which marks the beginning of the end for the Winchesters. Of course, the coffin scene references other media too. Angel comes to mind.

Now let's talk about Qin Keqing's best friend, Wang Xifeng. I'm not implying that Dean is anything like Wang Xifeng (although a case can be made that her panci might have influenced Dean and Cas's storyline, but that's a separate post). I bring up Wang Xifeng purely because I want to compare Dean to Lady Wang, Wang Xifeng's aunt and Baoyu's mother. If you're a Dean stan who's read Dream of the Red Chambers, you're probably livid right now. But think of it this way-- Lady Wang is a victim of patriarchal feudalism, and while Dean isn't a woman living under this sort of oppression, Dabb alludes to a similar power structure, and there's a reason why there are so many posts comparing Dean to the Eldest Daughter.

Late season SPN is where Dabb explores female-centric themes in a male centric show. Yes, I find this absurd too, but that's the choice he made. It's why Amara exists. It's why he brought back Mary. It's why S12-15 is extremely domestic. And it's why he covers a range of female experiences through Dean.

Let me go back to Qin Keqing. If she hadn't died, she would have been in charge of running the household, and she would have done an excellent job. But would she have been happy?

No.

The only other woman who matches Qin Keqing's talents is Wang Xifeng, and she dies relatively young. If she'd lived-- would she have turned into her aunt? Lady Wang is described as "wooden," but we know from Grandma Liu that before she married into the Jia family, she had a fiery personality, just like Wang Xifeng. Marriage turned her bitter. Indeed, Baoyu remarked that marriage turned women from pearls into dead fish eyes. And even though Dean isn't married, the role he plays in his family and his conflicts with Cas (and his resulting dislike of Jack) are very similar to the problems the legal wife of a wealthy man in ancient China would face. Or rather-- they're very similar to the problems the wife of a wealthy man/noblesman in a patriarchal feudalistic society would face. He probably would have identified with Catelyn Stark in GOT.

I'll probably write another post exploring how Red Chamber influenced the intra family conflicts in SPN, but before I do that, I want to talk about one more thing: Qin Keqing's nickname is Jian Mei, which means Both Beauties; she's considered to share both Daiyu and Baochai's beauty. Am I saying that there are shades of both Daiyu and Baochai in Dean's late season characterization? Yes. Dabb leans toward Daiyu = Dean and Baochai = Sam, although he plays with Baochai = Eileen too. Let me give you the shorthand for what these women stand for.

Daiyu = rebellious, bucks societal conventions, dies from a broken heart when Baoyu is tricked into marrying Baochai.

Baochai = obedient, adheres to societal conventions and thus the patriarchy, marries Baoyu but is then cast away because Baoyu decides to become a monk.

Tomorrow, I'll go into greater detail on how Baoyu, Daiyu, and Baochai appear through Cas, Dean, Sam, Jack, and Eileen, and how these choices tie into the finale.

[5typesoftrash]

So Here’s the Thing

I know I should be writing prompts (or better yet, doing schoolwork) but this random TFL ficlet popped into my head and I just had to write it. So here you go.

Dean is driving.

He’s known to do that from time to time, when he needs to get somewhere, when he’s angry, when he needs to clear his head�� and right now, he definitely needs to clear his head.

He couldn’t stay in that Bunker surrounded by those three men, he would die. He needed to escape, to get away, to be alone with his Baby. The only one he could rely on without fail every time.

There’s only one way to describe this: fuck.

So Dean drives.

 Dean doesn’t return to the Bunker for several hours, but when he does, Cas is waiting for him eagerly at the door. He looks like he’s been worrying, he seems relieved by Dean’s return, but he also smiles at Dean in that soft way like Dean’s his favorite person on earth.

Dean fucking hates it.

He shoulders past him, his walls springing up because what? No he didn’t cry in his car, what are you talking about and he needs to be angry instead of sad and confused for at least thirty seconds. He doesn’t miss the near-devastation on Cas’s face as he completely ignores the friendly greeting.

Dean goes into his bedroom, bypassing kitchen and library where he knows Gabe and Sam will, respectively, be. He can’t face any of them right now.

 So here’s the thing about Cas.

In some ways, he was Dean’s “Gay Awakening™”. He dropped into Dean’s life, blew out all the lights, let Dean fucking stab him and stood there, coolly staring at Dean, like he was surprised and impressed.

A fucking angel.

And then he was always around with his messy dark hair and his ocean-blue eyes and his trench coat and his sex voice. And Dean was… well, Dean was kind of fucked, to be honest. Because Cas was different, he was new and bright and enthusiastic and also… kind of… hot.

And yes. It took Dean literally a decade to admit that to himself. He’s an idiot. Isn’t that what Sam’s been telling him since he was twenty?

In essence, Cas is ruination.

 Sam corners Dean around seven pm, demanding why he hasn’t eaten dinner yet and this is so not like you, dude, why are you sulking? Dean shoves him away.

Sam somehow manages to force his way into the room – curse the bitch and his broad shoulders – and forces Dean to sit on his bed, but he can’t force Dean to talk. Eventually he gives up and goes to bring Dean some food because goddammit, Dean, you know I worry about you and Dean picks at it and leaves it on his bedside table to throw out at midnight while Sam’s asleep.

Sam gives him that look that Dean hates, the look that’s part puppy-dog eyes and part bitchface number four hundred and sixty-two: Why Can’t You Take Care Of Yourself? That look that’s all worry and love that makes Dean feel things.

His least favorite activity.

Dean wants to punch him or scream at him or something but he can’t because Sammy is still his baby brother and he’s trying to help and Dean isn’t that big of an asshole. Usually.

Sam scrubs a hand down his face, sighing heavily, and walks out of the room.

Dean watches Sam leave and pretends he’s not crying.

 So here’s the thing about Sam.

He was the first. Full stop. He was the first a lot of things for Dean. But mostly, he was the first thing Dean cared about enough to die for. And that’s scary. Dean has always managed to love Sam more than he hated himself, which is quite a feat. Dean’s never been comfortable with having things to love, because when he has things, that means he could lose them.

Dean wants Sam safe and happy above all else, but another, more selfish part of him also wants Sam near him, so that Dean can know that he’s safe and happy. Dean wants to be able to check up on him, to observe, and when Sam is close, Dean feels secure.

Dean feels.

Dean feels far too much when it comes to Sam. It’s really annoying, not to mention outright terrifying, to love a person that much.

In essence, Sam is terror.

 Dean emerges from his room three days later, gaunt and pale, having barely slept and not eaten since the burger Sam thrust at him that evening. Gabriel purses his lips and starts making food for Dean.

Now, Dean knows Sam loves Gabriel. Every time Sam looks at the archangel he gets this glint in his eye like he had with Jess the one time Dean saw them together, like Gabriel means the world. Dean also knows that Sam loves Cas, because every time they bump into each other Sam laughs that happy laugh that means that he’s content and safe and Dean wants him safe. But especially, Dean knows that Cas and Gabe love Sam.

And he’s fine with that, for the most part, so long as they don’t get all up in his face with it. If they want to do their thing, if they want to all be together… far be it from Dean to stop them.

Gabriel presses a plate of pasta into Dean’s hand alongside a witty comment about being thinner than a stick. His brow is furrowed in worry, and Dean sneers at him because he’s only worried for Sam’s sake.

He’s only worried for Sam’s sake. Dean wishes that didn’t hit him so hard.

He reluctantly takes the food and walks away and Gabriel grabs his arm. When Dean turns back, he’s all seriousness, which Dean is definitely not used to. His face says we’ll get it out of you and Dean sticks out his tongue like a child before walking away.

 So here’s the thing about Gabriel.

He’s annoying as all fuck. He and Dean have a relationship that consists almost entirely of antagonism and playful banter that borders on actual mutual hatred. They yell and tease and act all angry but at the end of the day Dean still knows he’d sacrifice anything for Gabe.

He wishes he wouldn’t.

Dean avoids Gabriel more than anyone else in the Bunker because Dean has no idea how to feel about him, or how he does feel about him. He confuses the everloving shit out of Dean, scrambles his brain, derails his train of thought.

In essence, Gabriel is distraction.

 Dean drives. Every chance he get, he drives away from the Bunker, just wanting to escape from the suffocating environment. Dean drives to protect himself so he doesn’t have to face the fact that he is too far fallen.

Dean drives.

Dean is driving at 6:03 in the morning on July ninth, when Castiel appears in the back of his car.

“Dean,” he says seriously. “We need to talk about this.”

Dean swerves and says “no.”

“That wasn’t a request.”

“You don’t own me,” Dean spits back, even though it’s an outright lie.

Cas shakes his head. “Why can’t you stand to be near me? Any of us?”

Dean grits his teeth and ignores the question.

Cas looks crestfallen. “We miss you, Dean,” he murmurs, and then he disappears.

 Dean drives. He doesn’t stop driving for almost twenty-four hours, but eventually he stops at a super shady motel with a failing shingled roof and a stutter red VACANCY sign that makes him wonder if there really are any vacancies.

There is one.

He takes the room with the too-large bed, sits on the edge and tries to sort some things out.

 So here’s the thing about Dean.

Dean never really learned how to be a person. He only ever existed to do things for people. He was John’s warrior, Sam’s protector, a hunters’ legend. He never had a real purpose, and he was raised and trained, had it drilled into him that he was not worthy of love.

Which is why Dean pushes himself away.

Even though the four of them fit together perfectly.

Because Dean doesn’t deserve good things. Dean doesn’t get good things. And even if they wanted him, which they don’t, Dean would never accept it, because they are good, and Dean…

In essence. Dean is a ticking time bomb.

 When Sam knocks on the door to the motel room Dean jumps six feet, and when he realizes who it is he seriously considers slipping out the window. But Sam’s standing there, separated from him by barely a foot of wood and how the fuck does he always look like a kicked puppy and Dean has always been weak for Sammy, so he unlocks the door and opens it.

And Sam tackles him, strong arms enveloping his entire body and Dean doesn’t care enough to pretend to fight it so he just lets Sam hug him and doesn’t ask which angel teleported him here. He sinks into his brother and Sam makes a strangled sound against his hair. And then Dean does fight, he pulls away, and he can’t look at Sam because he knows if he sees Sam cry he’ll cry too and he can’t do that.

So he sits back down on the bed and stares at the wall, and he hears Cas and Gabe join Sam in the doorway, and he can feel their disappointed and sad looks burning into his back, and when a hand falls on his shoulder, he turns.

And there they are, those blue eyes that he’s obsessed with, right next to him, and he doesn’t think. He lunges forward and pulls Cas against him and Sam makes another little sound, not at all like the one he made earlier, and-

When Cas kisses Dean back, the universe explodes.

 So here’s the thing about Team Free Will (the third iteration).

They are good. They’re happy living together in the bunker, and they’re good.

It’ll take a very long time, but eventually they’ll learn (especially Dean) that they do deserve good things, and that they have earned everything they’ve gotten. Someday, when the world is no longer in constant danger and their lives are slightly less hectic, they’ll realize that there’s nothing else to be afraid of.

In essence, the four of them are happy.

[itsmarjudgelove]

It doesn't get much better than this ca.1892-95 studio portrait by T. ENAMI showing some of the accouterments of a "Japanese Ancient Warrior" --- as Enami himself titled the image --- No.581 in his old Catalog of 2-D images.. And I must say, what a meek, mild-mannered, milk-toast sort of guy he appears to be. One photo-historian even remarked about old "Samurai Photos" that the subjects appeared to be women posing as men. My own three daughters (all born and raised in Okinawa) tell me that, with only some notable exceptions, Japanese men are the most effeminate men in the world --- an evaluation no different than that offered by Commodore Matthew C. Perry after dealing with the Japanese in 1854. So, what's up with that ? We'll get to it. But first...check out that great Fan he's holding. JAPANESE WAR FAN This Enami studio photo is undoubtedly the best 19th Century image of a Japanese War Fan. ".......Gunsen (軍扇) were folding fans used by the average warriors to cool themselves off. They were made of wood, bronze, brass or a similar metal for the inner spokes, and often used thin iron or other metals for the outer spokes or cover, making them lightweight but strong. Warriors would hang their fans from a variety of places, most typically from the belt or the breastplate, though the latter often impeded the use of a sword or a bow...... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_war_fan There are other close, classic Meiji-era views of Samurai --- taken by other famous photographers of the day --- that fall into the above class of fine portraiture. However, photographer T. ENAMI appears to have been the only one who gave prominent display to the War Fan. The above glass plate photo with its hand-applied colors is about 115 years old. It is highly possible that this is the same armor T. ENAMI used for his own self-portrait seen here : www.flickr.com/photos/24443965@N08/2383039735/ More about the Armor and the Photograph is mentioned farther below. But first, here's a bit of controversy to keep your history balanced and complete : QUESTION for HETEREOSEXUAL MALES : Can a gay guy kick your ass ? ANSWER : You're damn right ! Especially when he's a SAMURAI ! THE GAY LIFE in OLD JAPAN These days, when we talk about or visualize the Glorious Samurai, our mention of them is usually devoid of something important. The world's social and religious aversion to homosexuality has worked to separate and sweep under the rug this once-understood and accepted facet of the Samurai. In its place, we are left with a group of men who have been "cleansed and sanctified" in the minds of Westerners who have been raised in a nominally monotheistic religious culture, giving us a conservative republican Samurai Warrior with Western, Judeo-Christian family values, living with a so-called "honorable" code of ethics that makes for the stuff of macho dreams found in testosterone-fueled Hollywood movies. Time to set the record straight : CONSERVATIVE STATEMENT from the WEB : skeptics.stackexchange.com/questions/13853/was-homosexual... Samurai --- Virile, Strong, Warriors among Men, and Fighters after the Spirit of Bushido --- The Last Samurai of Hollywood fiction --- ALSO CARRIED THE BANNER OF HOMOSEXUAL LOVE INTO BATTLE WITH THEM, AND PRACTICED HOMOSEXUAL LOVE AS AN HONORED AND TRADITIONAL WAY OF LIFE. Therefore, if you are a fan of "all things Samurai", you better not be anti-homosexual, and you better not be a GAY BASHER. The real Samurai held GAY LOVE in high esteem, and encouraged it. Gay love and relationships were considered beneficial for the youth, teaching him virtue, honesty and the appreciation of beauty. WIKIPEDIA ARTICLES on the WEB, CULLED FROM HISTORICAL SOURCES : "........Shudō is the Japanese tradition of age-structured homosexuality prevalent in samurai society from the medieval period until the end of the 19th century. The word is an abbreviation of wakashudō (若衆道), "the way of the young" or more precisely, "the way of young (若 waka) men (衆 shū)". The "dō" (道) is related to the Chinese word tao, considered to be a structured discipline and body of knowledge, as well as a path to awakening. The older partner in the relationship was known as the nenja (念者), and the younger as the wakashū (若衆). en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shudo PEDERASTY or BUST !!! The practice was held in high esteem, and was encouraged, especially within the samurai class. Their homosexual lifestyle was considered beneficial for the youth, teaching him virtue, honesty and the appreciation of beauty. Its value was contrasted with the love of women, which was blamed for feminizing men. With the rise in power and influence of the merchant class, aspects of the practice of shudo were adopted by the middle classes, and homoerotic expression in Japan began to be more closely associated with traveling kabuki actors known as tobiko ( 飛子) , "fly boys," who moonlighted as prostitutes......." en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty MILITARY SAME SEX LOVE ".......From religious circles, same-sex love spread to the warrior (samurai) class, where it was customary for a boy in the wakashū age category to undergo training in the martial arts by apprenticing to a more experienced adult man. The man was permitted, if the boy agreed, to take the boy as his lover until he came of age; this relationship, often formalized in a "brotherhood contract", was expected to be exclusive, with both partners swearing to take no other (male) lovers. This practice, along with clerical pederasty, developed into the codified system of age-structured homosexuality known as shudō, abbreviated from wakashūdo, the "way (do) of wakashū". The older partner, in the role of nenja, would teach the wakashū martial skills, warrior etiquette, and the samurai code of honor, while his desire to be a good role model for his wakashū would lead him to behave more honorably himself; thus a shudō relationship was considered to have a "mutually ennobling effect". In addition, both parties were expected to be loyal unto death, and to assist the other both in feudal duties and in honor-driven obligations such as duels and vendettas. Although sex between the couple was expected to end when the boy came of age, the relationship would, ideally, develop into a life-long bond of friendship. At the same time, sexual activity with women was not barred (for either party), and once the boy came of age, both were free to seek other wakashū lovers. Like later Edo same-sex practices, samurai shudō was strictly role-defined; the nenja was seen as the active, desiring, penetrative partner, while the younger, sexually receptive wakashū was considered to submit to the nenja's attentions out of love, loyalty, and affection, rather than sexual desire. Among the samurai class, adult men were (by definition) not permitted to take the wakashū role; only preadult boys (or, later, lower-class men) were considered legitimate targets of homosexual desire. In some cases, shudō relationships arose between boys of similar ages, but the parties were still divided into nenja and wakashū roles......" en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_Japan YES, THE SAMURAI COULD, AND DID MARRY --- In spite of the fact that PEDERASTY WAS THE RULE when the men were doing their soldering and war-mongering, they did marry women under carefully observed social rules. However, this was not for mutual love and family relationships as Westerners would normally define marriage between a male and female. For the Samurai, sexual relations with a woman was more along the lines of a "necessary evil" to procreate for the purpose of making more little Samurai to keep things going. WHY THE ANACHRONISTIC USE THE WORD "GAY" IN MY SAMURAI CAPTIONS ? Some will call these guys "BI-SEXUAL", but for the sake of this caption, I'm sticking to "GAY" --- a 20th Century transformation of the word that used to mean PARTY-TIME HAPPY --- an in "The Gay '90s" --- but is now used for men who have a sexual preference for other males. I am retroactively applying the modern "Gay" tag (in a performance sort of way) to liven up the discussion. If the Samurai were alive today, and "doing their thing", we would all be calling them "The Gay Military of Japan". Actually, it is almost as ridiculous as some goofy Westerners saying "....the RAINBOW symbolizes the LGBT community....", thus causing conservative Christians to scramble in an effort to remove all Biblical Rainbows from pictures of Noah's Ark. Any other appeal to "historical and cultural social context" to say these men were not homosexual (or that "Gay"and "Homosexual" are two different things) --- in spite of the Samurai's conditioned sexual preference for male intercourse --- is just a lame misdirect by modern-day Samurai lovers who are chagrined by the fact that their "warrior heroes" preferred the joy of porking other men instead of porking their wives. I say "pork", because in old Japan, sexual relations between men and women were not anything close to what we call "making love". So, even while "makin' babies" under the "stuff we don't really want to do" rule, the Samurai continued to hold the sexual love and bonding with males as the preferred and highest highest love, and the "necessary evils" of being "joined to a woman" as an obligatorily social headache. As we all know, there are plenty of Gay men living in many countries of the world today who, for various social reasons (including the threat of death), emotionally and sexually live in the same situation --- loving men, but setting up house with women --- some resolving the emotional predicament better than others. ****************************************** THE ARMOR and THE PHOTOGRAPH The man in the photo is not a Samurai --- at least not when this photo was taken. The Samurai were banned in the 1870s, and did not exist as a functioning social entity --- militarily, politically, or personally --- at the time Enami took this photo in his Yakohama studio in the 1890s. While he might be a male model or Enami's assistant, it is also possible that --- if he is in his 30s or 40s --- he could have been one of the last Samurai, or a Chugen before the ban came into effect, and he is now donning his old Armor and displaying the War Fan simply for this photograph. It is also possible that the model's father was a Samurai, and the armor belongs to his family. Such speculation about the man in the image is simply that --- speculation. There are many on flickr who know more than I do about the various parts and pieces of armor on display. Yet, even though I know basically nothing when it comes to these things, my uneducated eye can still appreciate what looks like a finely made arm guard (Leather and links?) and the contoured hand and knuckle guard seen wrapped around the back of his hand. As already mentioned, the War Fan is impressive --- the dark-red Rising Sun on a black-lacquered bamboo and iron fan. It is rarely seen in photographs, if at all. The skilled melding of function, form and art by patient craftsmen over the centuries is evident in everything from the unseen swords nestled in their sheaths, to the black curved line of the darkened helmet interior that mirrors the arc of the opened fan. As for that charging "lion dog" on top of his helmet, is it actually alive ??? When all else is pin sharp, why would only the golden lion have blurred ? Perhaps there is some Meiji-era magic at work here --- something lost with the passing of the last Samurai...... ******************************************************* ABOUT THE PHOTOGRAPHER : www.t-enami.org/ TECHNICAL PHOTO COMMENTS : Like many of my T. ENAMI posts, this is taken directly from an original glass slide. The slide was placed on a small light box (5,000K), copied with a hand-held LUMIX camera (done right, no keystoning), cropped in PICASA, and bordered with MS PAINT. The bound slide is 3 1/4 inch square --- originally a French format, but used all over Europe during the Meiji and Taisho eras. The actual image area of the Samurai on the glass is about 2 inches by 2 1/2 inches, and colored by hand in Enami's studio by artists using magnifying glasses and fine brushes --- some as thin as a single hair. If you look at my other T. ENAMI SLIDE sets, you will notice that a majority of them have painted back drops. However, some of his earlier portrait work was done against a white back drop --- including full studio groups. The above background appears WHITE because Enami's slides are made with a silver-gelatin emulsion on glass, which gives pure whites in the highlights --- of course, this background on the slide is not white; it is clear glass. The "white" is actually the surface of my light box seen through the clear glass --- just as "white" on a movie screen is really the light from a white projector lamp shining through the clear portions of the movie film. However, when Enami printed his earlier portraits on paper, the emulsion was made from albumen (egg whites). Albumen prints have a tendency to yellow over time depending on how ell they were processed, or if they are subjected to less than ideal conditions over time. All things considered, the background of the above Samurai image is the "whitest" I have seen so far, and to be honest, part of me would have preferred some kind of patterned or natural background to the white emptiness. On the other hand, it is a slide, and it would have been "seen on black" (as we say here on flickr) in a room darkened for the purpose. I imagine that when this portrait appeared on the screen, it had an instant impact on the audience gathered to see the slides. Most slides of Japan in any show would have been filled to the frame with various objects, color, and shadow. Therefore, in a darkened room or hall, the sudden flood of white light coming from around this Samurai must have caught the attention of any on the verge of sleep or boredom. ! Certainly, this is an interesting image on many levels. For other examples of Enami's earlier studio work using a blank back drop under various intensities of sky light (consider both weather and processing that would result in various shades of "white to gray") compare all of the images on this page : www.flickr.com/search/?w=24443965@N08&q= In any case, a photo on glass will always be much hardier than a print on paper, helped along by a piece of cover glass that adds further protection to the image. Such is the above, still looking nice after over 110 years or so. All of my posted ENAMI sets are here : www.flickr.com/photos/24443965@N08/collections/7215761388... For more on Enami himself see : www.t-enami.com/ *************************************** PS. Last post for a few days. I've got a sore forearm that flickr member "numonous" says might be an over-used trigger finger on the mouse. Another flickr poster, "filippadevries" will probably beat me to death with a wet soba noodle if I don't go see a doctor about it ! ;-) So, I'll give it a rest for a few days. See you next week..... * * * RANDOM SOBA : www.flickriver.com/photos/24443965@N08/random/Tried this Pin?Add a photo to show how it went

[xlazyunicornx]

all of them pls

99 gay-ish asks

1. how tall are you?

- 1.65 m

2. what is your body type?

- I have an oval body shape

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

- My back

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

- Yes

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

- I'm something inbetween, it also depends on the people I'm with/confronted with

6. are you more femme or butch?

- Femme

7. are you tol or smol?

- I'm again something in between

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

- Vodka aunt

9. weird habit?

- Biting the insides of my cheeks

10. favorite meme?

- I love vines, especially the "Is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book" one

11. do you sing in the shower?

- No

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

- Yes

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

- No

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

- No

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

- No

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

- No

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

- I have sadly never played that game

18. last movie you watched?

- Pokémon Detective Pikachu

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

- Behind

20. favorite tv show?

- Almost anything on the channel TLC

21. meaning behind your url

- Well, I've had this username on twitter, instagram and snapchat already, which I all created when I was between 12-14 years old so I just went with it...I thought I was a unicorn because it was very popular to do so + like everything was unicorn themed and yuh

22. reason you joined tumblr

- To find better fanfiction (I'm coming from Wattpad)

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

- I don't have one I'd say I'm the closest to, I'm very close to a lot of my mutuals

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

- The smell of gas

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

- No

26. have you had sex?

- No

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

- Not really

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

- I can't remember

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

- I don't really have a passion

30. describe your best friend.

- I don't have a best friend, I see all of my friends equally

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

- That I'm probably gonna be jobless after finishing school in July lol

32. how do you feel right now?

- I'm okay, not feeling anything negative

33. what is your biggest fear?

- Heights and depths

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

- Bounce Back by Little Mix

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

- To remove toxic people from it

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

- Heeeeeell yeah

37. something you fantasize about.

- Very slow, passionate, vanilla sex; I imagine it to be very intimate and I love the idea of it

38. last time you cried and why

- November 21 because my friend told me face to face that her mum has cancer and I imagined how it would be if my mum had cancer and we basically cried our eyes out for a good half an hour

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

- Not a thing lol but my mum

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

- No

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

- My two friends that I met when I changed schools

42. the last time you felt broken?

- When I found out one of my friend is in hospital and he texted me saying he feels like dying

43. are you starting to realize anything?

- Yes, that I'm probably jobless after finishing school in July yet again lmao

44. are you more dominant or more submissive?

- More dominant

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

- Show respect towards me, are honest, are reliable, are loyal and make me laugh

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

- Girls: The same age as me and younger

Boys: The same age as me and older

But I honestly am not picky, I take whoever catches my eye

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

- Well, I'm having this on-off crush on him, which isn't his fault, I'm complicated. He's taller than me (ca. 1.80 m), quite lanky and he has a deep voice. We went to the same primary school together and now are in the same grade again. He's very intelligent and he's tutoring me in business studies. He's super loud while speaking and talking. Confident indeed but not in an arrogant kind of way. He's a funny dude as well.

48. do you have any kinks?

- I haven't been sexually active yet so I don't know what I like to be honest

49. first thing you notice in a person?

- Teeth, hands, voice and manners/behavior

50. how can someone win your heart?

- By being respectful, loyal, honest, reliable and funny

51. been rejected by a crush?

- Heeeeeell yes

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

- Heeeeeell yes

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

- No

54. is trust a big issue for you?

- Yes but I'm working on it

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

- No

56. is confidence cute?

- Yes

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

- I would be happy for him, I'm in no position to be angry towards him. Of course, I'd be a bit sad but it's my fault for not confessing.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

- No

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

- No

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

- Yes

61. do you want to get married?

- No

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

- Lie to someone that means a lot to me (for example my mum)

63. three things that turn you on

- Humor, loyalty and honesty

64. who do you hate?

- I don't hate anyone, hate is a strong word. Nobody comes to my mind either.

65. favorite term of endearment?

- hugging and cuddling

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

- 100% CL of 2NE1

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

- Kind girls

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

- I'm repeating myself a lot, lol. But honesty, reliability, loyalty and humor.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

- feminine or androgynous girls but yet again, it doesn't matter

70. are you good at flirting?

- I'm okay at it

71. who was the first person you came out to?

- My ex best friend

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

- Yes

73. is your crush wlw?

- No

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

- No one

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self

- I'm not good at writing poems

76. do you fall in love easily?

- I've never been in love, it was just crushes until now

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

- Oh yes

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

- It depends but usually yes

79. are you a forgiving person?

- Yes

80. what is your “type?”

- Generally look at question 68. But for girls, I like ones that are smaller and shorter than me too. For boys, I like boys my height or taller.

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

- Depends on how tired I am. If I'm really tired fall asleep in her arms, if not rub her back until she falls asleep in mine.

82. tall girls or short girls?

- Short girls but I honestly don't mind again

83. hugs or kisses?

- Hugs

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

- Twirl her around

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

- Tummy kisses

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

- Neck kisses

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

- Stroke her tummy

88. making out or soft kisses?

- Soft kisses

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

- Hugs around the waist

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

- Very confident

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

- I get butterflies in my stomach

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

- No

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

- I was 15

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

- Probably trip

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

- Yo, I love the concept or Jihyo and Sana, oh my God. Or Hwasa and Wheein. Those ships are most likely not canon but who knows? We might never find out.

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

- There hasn't been anything yet

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

- Just a bit more than a week ago

98. what is love to you?

- When a person brings out the best in you and supports you and you do the same.

99. ask me anything. > would you kiss on a roof or in a car?

- Both

[go-diane-winchester]

Is Misha the professor of slash fiction?

I feel very sad for the teens in fandom, who have fledgling sexualities and instead of letting them explore these things organically and healthily, via slash fiction, Misha wants to school them on slash, a subject he has piss poor knowledge of.  Because he is a well known figure, in SPN circles, they assume that he knows what he is talking about.  Slash fiction has nothing to do with the actors or the characters they portray.  In fact, validation is not needed.  Slash is not about an actor or show or character or other external parties.  It is internal.  It has everything to do with the girl writing the story, and is a reflection of her sexual expression.  Actors and characters are merely muses, not the foundations blocks for your happiness mansion.  You don't need their permission or blessing.  A slasher's sexuality is being exhibited through the stories she writes. 

Once upon a time, women wrote only what they like.  If they didn't like something, they steered clear of it, because that is what people with common sense do.  I, for example, can't read fellatio because it doesn't do anything for me.  I guess its because I am not a man, don't have a penis and therefore don't know what it feels like, so I don't appreciate it.  In my stories, my characters don't fellate each other.  If I read a story that is really enjoyable and fellatio makes an appearance, I skip that paragraph.  However, I don't berate the person for writing something I personally don't like.  She wrote it perhaps because she finds it enjoyable. 

Its a big world.  Tolerance is key.  There is enough space for everyone.....well except for satanists and pedophiles.  I draw the line there. 

Today, women are not really writing for themselves.  They are writing homosexually appropriate sex scenes, just so that their gay male readers, that are not the majority, don't scoff at them and go ''that's not how we do it''.  Yes, the gay friends in this bubble are happy, but the majority of the slash fans that are mostly heterosexual women are left feeling lackluster.  Perhaps that is why there is a general trend for women to ''grow out of slash fiction'' and even mass media is seeing slash fiction as a teenage girl's pass time.  Women, who are fully grown, and fully aware of their sexuality can't pretend to like the stories because the stories are no longer appealing.  Of course, some Misha fans are A-OK with that artistic injustice because ''Misha would love it because he is not a bigot''.  It has nothing to do with bigotry.  Sometimes, it is best to leave out the sex scene rather than make a select few happy.  Slash sex was never meant to be realistic sex.  It is, after all, generally written by straight females for straight females.  Its fantastical, as it should be. 

In early slash stories that I read, back in the lord of the ring days, ukes came the way women do, without a hand on them.  Why?  Because that is how women usually orgasm.  They write what they know.  However, young sexually inactive girls, listening to Misha and his LGBT slash tirades, endeavor to make stories ''accurate''.  So now we have lots of young girls, growing up with a better understanding of gay sex than of straight sex.  Proper slash or classic slash is an artistic manifestation of straight sex.  The drivel that we have now is political correct, inclusive nonsense that gay men didn't ask for and women don't feel overwhelming enthusiastic about.  I don't know what the ramifications of that is going to be other than women deserting slash fiction. 

I would like to point out at this juncture, that as far as SPN is concerned, Misha is a culprit.  But there were one more culprit.  There was one who communicated with general slash fans around the early 2000s.  His name was minotaur.  And he tried to school slashers on how to write gay sex correctly because they weren't doing a good enough job for his liking.  He had no business doing that.  It has nothing to do with him.  Slash fiction is for woman.  Gay fiction or bara is for men. 

I like J2 alternate universe.  If I write a story, Jensen is always the baby.  Baby is the word I used to use during my Lord of the Rings days, before I realized that the word uke existed.  Does it mean that anyone who makes Jared the baby in their story is wrong?  No, they may see more vulnerability is Jared than I do.  I like Jensen as the baby because he is smaller and has the eyelashes and the mouth and the really beautiful face.  Do I think he is effeminate?  Of course not.  But when I write a story where I need the baby to be a kidnap victim or abused stepchild or ethereal unattainable prince, I like to see Jensen in that role.  It has nothing to do with him.  It is how I like to write.  Its about my perception.  He is just a muse.

I like seeing Jared as the daddy.  Go ahead and laugh.  I still smirk about this embarrassing word that I used before I know seme existed.  I like when Jared kicks down the door to save Jensen, or pins Jensen's abusive step father to a wall with his elbow in the man's throat or falling clumsily all over himself to woo the Prince Jensen.  I cant see him as a baby because he is so fricking huge and tall, with the rippling muscles, expansive torso and broad shoulders.  Its is, for me at least, too easy to write him as a knight in shining armor, then as an abused baby locked away in a dungeon. 

The Jensen and Jared in my stories are mere avatar of the real actors.  They are manifestations of my sexuality and what I like sexually.  If people don't write a story that you like, then write it yourself.  But don't make people change their perception to suit you.  And don't change your perception to suit them.  Slash stories are more about personal sexual exploration than about satisfying every reader out there.  Slash fiction has never been about winning popularity contests.  Only the destiel fans do that now.  Reader opinions matter but not about who should be the seme and who should be the uke.  You cant tell others how to navigate their sexual expression.  

Of course, I have read stories, where Jared was the baby and Jensen was the daddy and the story was enjoyable.  So no harm, no foul.   Mpreg is proof that slash is a female art form.  The first mpreg story was written in the early 1990s.  The only other people who write mpreg now, write it as a creative exercise.  I used to feel embarrassed by mpreg especially if men found out about it.  But now I am fiercely protective of it.  Because its one of the last remnants of female sexuality in slash fiction.  Female sexuality is [most of the time] synonymous with child birth.  As soon as girls become sexually mature, generally, a desire awaken in them to be mothers.  Why do you think there are so many teen writing mpreg.  Its because their minds and bodies are becoming ready for motherhood in the future.  Slashers consider child birth to be a very big deal.  So they reserve it for their darling and not the other guy in the pairing.  You don't see mpreg popping up as frequently in bara because gay men don't fall pregnant and therefore don't have a natural maternal desire.  Mpreg is big in SPN.  The brothers, Cas, even Kevin have gotten knocked up.  SPN is like a regular maternity ward.  But if you don't like, don't whine about it.  Slashers, like any other writer, only write what they like.  Forcing them to do otherwise is rather arrogant.

I realize that Misha might not know anything about mpreg because he hasn't spoken about it in his panels.  If this is true, then I hope it stays that way.  Unless he spoke about it.  I don't watch Misha panels unless I need to.  For example when I heard that he had actually spoken about Cockles, the rps pairing of him and Jensen, I had to check it out for myself.  No way was he going to be so reckless.  I watched it and yep.  He did do it.  He thinks Cockles is just rps.  It isn't.  It is also a tinhat pairing.  I personally, have no issue with tinhatting.  Dream up whatever scenario you want but don't bring it to the actors.  That is invasive, intrusive and just plain wrong.  I don't care what your tinhat pairing is. 

That is why, I wish Misha will stop talking about slash fiction.  He is going into areas that he knows nothing about and he paints slash fiction as something that it isn't.  Even having a civil discussion about slash fiction is hampered because the answer to anything from that camp is usually ''Well, Misha doesn't have a problem with it''.  Misha is not your father.  You don't have to see slash fiction or anything else through the Misha Collins lens.  Use your own common sense.  Normal destiel fans understand this.  Hellers are another story.

Slash fiction is not about the show or the actors, so there is absolutely no need to seek their approval.  They are only a part of your sexual fantasy due to aesthetics.  The proper definition of slash fiction should be:  Slash fiction is an escapist fantasy platform showcasing stories and artwork, by women for women, about male subjects in a romantic setting.  Leaving out the words ''homoerotic'' does away with multiple confusions, because slash is not gay porn.  I have read stories that don't even feature a sex scene but only allude to it, because the story is plot heavy.  I have also noticed how seldom a subject is a one shot actually indulge in an anonymous one night stand.  They don't cruise either.  That is because straight [and sometimes bi] women, generally, don't like that.  If you read a story like that, I don't think a woman wrote it. 

Misha Collins is singlehandedly ruining one of the few things that genuinely made me smile through my terrible day.  I don't care what minotaur did to other slash fans, because originally it didn't disturb my little corner of the internet.  When slash was true to itself, is the classical sense, women were still honest with themselves about their sexuality.  Bullying was infrequent and slash fiction was not ruined beyond repair.  Now his more problematic fans are bleeding onto other fandoms and influencing their thought process.  I really wish he would read this and stop.

Errata:  James Franco wrote a fanfiction book about Lana Del Ret, and not slash fiction.  He has been accused of queer baiting, because of teasing the gay lifestyle, but he doesn't seem to interfere with slash fiction.  The post has been amended.

[shirtlesssammy]

13x16: Scoobynatural

We now return to The Killer Stuffed Dinosaur in Love:

Remember when we were all speculating that there were going to be dinosaurs on Supernatural this season? Well, here you go.

Sam and Dean quickly dispatch the evil plushie with holy oil and fire. Jay, the shop owner next door pops in to see what all the ruckus is. “Defective product,” Sam admits dismissively. The shop proprietor, Alan, is so thankful that he offers the brothers “anything” they want in return. Dean nabs a sweet -but delicate- flat screen TV.

Later at the bunker, Sam’s busy doing research when Dean shows up to show him “something important.” Very Important! Sidenote: Dean Winchester has now admitted to watching (and liking!) Finding Nemo (and most certainly it’s sequel) and Frozen.

Dean takes Sam to his new “Dean Cave” or “Fortress of Dean-a-tude.” He’s still working on the name.

I am thoroughly enjoying the analysis of what the names mean —Dean thinks of himself as Batman and thinks of Cas as Superman. It’s their Man Cave together! How did Dean get all this stuff together without Sam’s help? Cas! It’s their Man Cave! Who has canonically watched movies together? Dean and Cas! It’s their Man Cave!

Dean shows Sam around and finally turns on his new TV. It flashes purple and zaps the boys into cartoon-land! As is the usual with these two, Sam is confused, concerned, and wants to solve the situation right away. Dean’s just ready to roll with it. After some truly amazing speculation about whether it is the work of the Trickster, they jump in Baby and drive.

They arrive at a malt shop, and see the Mystery Machine, quickly realizing that they’re in a Scooby-Doo cartoon!

They go inside and Dean sees the Scooby gang immediately.

Sam continues to be skeptical of the situation, but Dean defends his favorite childhood character. All those years on the road, no matter what motel their dad dragged them to, Dean was sure to find Scooby and the gang waiting on the TV. Dean asks to join them, and Fred enthusiastically agrees. (Pure. Good.)

The gang tells Sam and Dean that Scooby was recently named heir by an southern colonel. Scooby saved his life once. They all agree to head to the mansion together. Before heading out, Dean fulfills a dream 8 years in the making: he finally got a bigger mouth. And before reaching the mansion, Dean has a confusing Rebel Without a Cause moment with Fred over how much of a crush Dean has on him who’s car is faster. Fred wins.

Once at the mansion, Dean realizes they’re in the episode, “A Night of Fright is No Delight”!

Inside, the colonel’s attorney, Cosgood Creeps, explains why they’re all there and plays a vinyl record(!) from the deceased Colonel Sanders (Sam’s bitchface and grunt WAS AMAZING. Also, did the showrunners just decide to dress Asmodeus like that for a throwaway joke that would have worked even without it?)

The colonel’s last will and testament stipulates that everyone must spend one night in this haunted house to get their inheritance. Sam calls bullshit. LOL-- he is just the best. Velma assures Sam that the house isn’t really haunted, and Dean stops Sam from telling her that she’s in a “c-word”. “They are pure, and innocent, and good.” --Man, how Dean lands that line kind of breaks me a little inside. I just can’t imagine how many times he watched this show as a kid wishing he was in their world --where the monsters all were men in masks. They gave him an escape and hope when he had none of that in his world. Then Sam asks why they can’t just skip to the end of the episode if Dean’s seen it already. “Because sometimes it’s about the journey and not the destination.” Boy do hyperfans (Boris included) feel called out right about now

Everyone turns in for the evening. Dean tries bunking with Daphne, but things take a turn for the gay when Daphne bunks with Velma and Fred tells Dean, “Guess you’re with me slugger.”

They all head to bed. Dean finds some more than suitable sleepwear.

Once everyone else is asleep, Dean gets to eating, and Sam wonders if there’s more to be done. Dean assures him of the play-by-play. Soon enough there’s a commotion and they all head out to investigate. They find Cousin Simple dead.

*Classic Dialog Alert*

Velma: Jinkies!

Daphne: Jeepers!

Scaggy: Zoinks!

Scooby: Ruh-roh!

Dean: Son of a bitch!

Commercial break, and when we return all the characters are back in their regular clothes. Heehee. Fred is flippantly joyful about having a new mystery to solve. Sam is understandably upset. Dean acts upset to impress Daphne (eye roll, Dean.) They head out to investigate.

Dean and Sam come to some hard truths about their situation --things are real, people can really die, --and for Dean-- Scooby-Doo can die, and that’s not happening on his watch.

Back in the drawing room, the team tries to figure out the bigger picture of what’s going on. Velma logics them through the situation, all the while lightning flashes and the lights flicker out --and a mysterious figure approaches the window!

It’s Cas!

He meets the Scooby gang and explains to the brothers how he came back to the bunker, with fruit from the tree of life and technically married to some djinns’ queen. Lol. He quickly finds Dean’s new playroom (because he already knew about it!) and gets zapped into Scooby-land.

The room suddenly gets cold so the team heads out to investigate (again). A ghost appears and Fred tries saving the day but the spirit disappears. They enter the room from where the ghost came to find Cosgood Creeps horrifically dismembered. Dean wants to barf. Fred and the gang wander off indifferent. Sam calls bullshit.

Fred suggests everyone split up to search for clues. Dean pairs with Daphne (and Fred!), and Velma picks Sam, so poor Castiel is left with “a scruffy philistine and a talking dog.”

Velma and Sam head upstairs to investigate the attic while Velma very, very awkwardly flirts. “Why do you keep talking about my shoulders?” Sam asks. Sam. Please.

Sam gets scared by a mannequin, then brushes himself off and tells Velma that ghosts and all other kinds of supernatural things are real. Velma laughs at that foolish, foolish, broad shouldered man. Usually ghosts just turn out to be unscrupulous real estate developers. They find the fluids Velma was looking for, which Sam identifies as ectoplasm. Suddenly toys start levitating and attacking the two. “It's probably just Christmas lights and fishing line,” she protests while getting pelted with glowing blocks.

Speaking of awkward flirting, Dean asks Daphne about her taste in men while Fred investigates the library. “Strong, sincere, and an ascot wouldn't hurt.” LOL so specific. Dean pulls himself together long enough to notice a book that stands out because it isn't “painted into the background.” He pulls it and nothing happens at first. Then a trapdoor suddenly opens and they all plummet down three divergent slides into the...dungeon of the mansion? There, Dean forgets about consent (ew Dean) and tries to feel up Daphne. When the lights turn on, he finds that he's been sliding his hand up the thigh of...the ghost! Serves him right, I guess? With the rest of this episode in context just don’t...think about this moment too much, okay?

They run off.

Meanwhile, Cas, Shaggy, and Scooby are creeping through the house when the ghost confronts them. Cas raises his eyebrow, ready to study the ghost intently when it chases after him. And then we get something perfect and pure. We get a Scooby chase montage. Over the sweet strains of the Scooby Doo theme song, everyone runs around and wacky hijinks ensue.

They run to and fro, the ghost appears here and there, and we even see Scrappy Doo (which shouldn't make me happy but it DOES).

They end up barricading themselves in a grand bedroom. The room grows cold. The lights flicker. And the ghost bursts into the room. Fred charges the ghost and gets bashed into the wall. Velma and Daphne get magically pinned to a wall. Shaggy gets tossed from the room. Dean and Sam grab a pair of iron candlesticks to chase off the ghost. Fred awakens to...mortality.

Shaggy plunges off the balcony, falling towards his doom when Scooby launches himself after him. Scooby grabs onto Shaggy but now they're just both falling towards their horrible, cartoon death. Cas leaps into action. He jumps from the balcony and shoots through the air. When he catches hold of Scooby he uses the cartoon aerodynamic properties of his coat to give them lift and a gentler landing. Guys, this was seriously...sexy?

Uh. Anyway.

Shaggy broke his arm and this makes him extremely indignant. “I have jumped out of a biplane in a museum and was fine! How did this happen?” Sam and Dean decide to reveal the truth. The Scooby gang learns that the ghost is real, the supernatural is real... The gang then goes into a total breakdown.

Velma: “I thought I was blind without my glasses. But I was just blind.”

Fred: “We've been stopping real estate developers when we could have been hunting dracula?!”

Daphne: “AM I GOING TO HELL?”

Shaggy: “We told you every freaking time, but did you ever listen to me?”

Scooby: “We're doomed.”

Dean rallies the troops. They've fought monsters – even if they were human monsters. “You're heroes, and together we're gonna take down this phantom.”

They fret about their lack of weapons. To the Impala! But Dean refuses to give them weapons. (Because they are childhood and innocence and I’m just going to cry in this corner here.) Instead Fred builds a trap. It's an elaborate rube-goldberg style trap involving salt, iron chains, a soap-slicked slide, and a giant net of coconuts. It's DELIGHTFUL. Alas, Fred's trap fails, sending Cas, Scooby, and Shaggy into a washing machine. “I told you it wasn't going to work,” Sam complains. Dean tells him Fred's traps never work (LOL) and calls on Daphne to commence plan B. They lure the ghost down to the library and then pull the special book, dropping the ghost into the dungeon and directly into a salt circle.

How badass is this salt circle? So badass.

Anyway, Dean demands that the ghost reveal itself and it turns into a small child. The little boy curls up in a ball and tells them that Jay, the creepy real estate mogul at the pawn shop, has been using him to scare away business owners. Dean promises to set him free and the little ghost boy literally glows with happiness. I didn’t come here for FEELINGS!!! (That’s a lie. I did.) The Scooby gang continues to unravel and Dean asks the little boy for a favor.

Cut to the Scooby gang bursting in to find the Winchesters and Cas with a trussed up...something. The Winchesters tell them that there isn't a real ghost. Instead, it's Cosgood! Of course, it all makes sense now. Wires. Lights. Etcetera. Velma and the rest rationalize their experience with a little help from the Winchesters. With the Scoobies mentally set to rights again, everyone takes their leave.

Velma kisses Sam goodbye. “Always the quiet ones,” Dean notes. When the Scoobies leave, the little ghost boy zaps them all out of the TV again. Back in the real world, Dean smashes the TV and fishes the pocket knife out of the wreckage. The little boy appears, this time as a real ghost boy. They burn the knife with reverence and the boy dissolves into light.

This was beautiful and sad. Well done.

Later, Jay is in front of the pawn shop owner about to get him to sign over his shop when the Winchesters burst in. Dean's wearing...an ascot. They confront Jay who finally owns up to his nefarious deeds. They can't nail him on “ghost terrorism” but they do get him for tax fraud. “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids,” he grouses.

Yaaay! With the case wrapped up, Dean cements his nerdiness by saying “Scooby dooby doo!” into the camera, despite the side eye from Cas and Sam.

What. A. Delight.

Boris: I have watched this episode 4 times already, and I even made my sister, who’s not a Supernatural fan, watch it with me. She knows enough about Supernatural to blurt out, “It’s Cas!” when Cas showed up. It warmed my heart she said that --and that he was included in this episode. Sidenote: Does Sam have some of his own performing that he needs to let go? His practical resistance to the whole situation was humorous, but what if he had just admitted to remembering and liking Scooby enough to enjoy the ride? Oh, Sam.

Quotey Snacks:

Be like Elsa. Let it go.

When it's important you make time, Sammy.

Cas is kinda like a talking dog.

There are no words in this newspaper, Dean.

Oh, Dean. Boys and girls don't sleep in the same room, silly.

Well, gang. It looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

We should look for evidence. Like fingerprints. Or fluids!

Killer stuffed dinosaur in love.

G-g-g-g-g-g-ghost!

I will miss your wise words and your gentle spirits.

Except Fred, he’s a wad.

“How do I look?” “Two dimensional.”

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[awed-frog]

You said in your s13 meta that the narrative suffers from keeping Destiel in the subtext. Can you elaborate a bit on that? For example, would you have them enter a romantic relationship now (or in earlier seasons) or would you be okay with it only happening towards the end of the show as long as it gets shoved more into 'text' level along the way - however that would look? How would you personally go about it in a way that fits into the narrative of the show?

Well - I think there are a bunch of reasons why keeping Destiel in the subtext is hurting the show (narratively). Off the top of my head -

1) This kind of subtext - ie, scattered clues that can be as obscure as beer labels or paintings on the walls - is usually reserved for Big, Shocking Revelations - for instance, the identity of the murderer in a thriller. I can’t think of one single example in which the subtextual clues led to a ‘Guess what - she actually luuuuurves him!’, and there’s good reason for that - a romantic attraction is not interesting enough to leave the audience to guess it and half perceive it out of the corner of their eyes. A hidden subtext should be the kind of thing where you gasp and stare when it’s revealed and then you go back and rewatch the whole thing in disbelief (also annoyance, because part of you is not surprised by this at all, but you never listened to that part ‘cause your a gullible fool). For younger readers, the revelations about Snape in HP fit this model well; for older viewers, a good example is the ending of The Others or Fight Club. Romantically speaking, the only close equivalent to what Supernatural is doing goes something along the lines of sexual awakening - a beautiful example is Tracy Chevalier’s Girl with a Pearl Earring, in which it’s very clear for an adult reader that Griet is attracted to Vermeer from the very first moment she sees him, and yet the UST builds and builds because Griet herself is too young and inexperienced to see it - and when she finally realizes it, holy shit. Even in that case, though, the romance wasn’t exactly subtextual - every single adult around Griet wondered at it - her mother warned her to stay away from Vermeer, Vermeer’s wife was openly jealous from the second Griet started working for their household, the other servants were also suspicious of why Griet was spending so much time alone with Vermeer and so on and so forth. The tension came from the fact Griet herself didn’t understand what was going on - not from the thing being completely subtextual. So, to me, the fact Supernatural thinks a (gay) love story needs to be put in the subtext - it’s more than offensive - it’s just not effective.

2) Destiel is destroying Sam’s characterization, because they increasingly use him to contrast Dean’s feelings, which means Sam is mostly forced not to care about Cas at all. And so, while the two of them had some stolen moments where they were allowed to be themselves (ie, people who like each other and feel a deep affection for each other), Sam is often shown to be cold and unconcerned whenever Cas is mentioned. When Dean was fretting about Cas being possessed by Lucifer, for instance, Sam always acted like he couldn’t care less - which was annoying, not only on Cas’ behalf, but also because Sam knows what Lucifer is like, and he would never be so indifferent about Lucifer possessing anyone. Or when Cas was suffering from PTSD and would spend his days watching dog videos, again we had Dean (rightly, rationally) worried about him, while Sam brushed it off completely. Also the ‘it-gate’, remember that? And now, now Cas is actually dead, and this is still going on - Dean is very nearly broken, and Sam - Sam is fine with it. Doesn’t give a damn. And the thing is, if Dean’s love was out in the open, then they could let Sam care about Cas, because it would be textual that there’s still a difference there (Dean = lover, Sam = friend); but since that is not textual, this is what we’re left with - a join the dots game where they want us to wonder why Dean cares so much when Sam, the rational one, doesn’t care at all.

Moreover, the fact there are these huge subtextual secrets about Dean (that he’s bi, that he loves Cas) only makes him more interesting to write, while leaving nothing for Sam to do. It could even be argued that this is the true reversal of the Supernatual narrative - the first five seasons were about Sam and how he felt like a freak because of his Big Secret (which was textual: his psychic powers, and, later, his addiction to demon blood), while the next five seasons were about Dean and his Big Secret (and that only half worked, because everything is still subtextual, which means Dean’s narrative has not resolved in any neat, elegant way - nothing comparable to Swan Song - which also means the story is still about Dean, that it will be about Dean until the narrative knot is gone, and they seem adamant never to go there, so where does this leave us?).

3) Ironically enough, Destiel is also hurting Dean and Cas as characters. Cas, in particular, had an arc that was all about destroying his identity in earlier seasons (the break with Heaven and so on), and lately that’s shifted to building himself a new identity - his increasingly human feelings have been a big part of that, and to be fair, they did allow him to explore them - a journey that probably started with his rejection of Hannah and culminated in that infamous I love you - but this could have been done much better, and in a more coherent way, if Cas had been allowed to find Dean attractive as a potential romantic partner. And in a way, the same goes for Dean - we teetered on the edge of why things are different with Cas so many times, and they came closest, perhaps, in S8, but as long as they refuse to take that final step, it’s not clear, exactly, why Dean should care so much about Cas - about someone who’s far from perfect, and has betrayed them or let them down or hurt them many times in the past. And something else that only made sense if you squinted, of course, was Dean’s peculiar, sometimes volatile relationship with Crowley, and how his attitude to Crowley differed from Sam’s. I’ve seen people confused about that, but if you fill in the subtextual blanks - ie, Crowley loved Dean (as much as demons can love, that is), and they were actually together when Dean was a demon, and then had an awkward break-up when Crowley realized Dean could not love anyone as a demon, and would never love Crowley as a human - well - that’s suddenly a coherent narrative, isn’t it?

4) And finally, Supernatural is often built on parallels and mirrors, and the problem is, you need an equilibrium for that. If half your metaphor is out in the open, and the other half is subtextual, it just doesn’t work. That was one of the big problems with both S10 and S11 - remember the whole Colette story, which went nowhere? And how Amara represented the wrong way to love, contrasted with the right way, which was…what? And, sure, for some viewers that may work just fine, and others may even enjoy to be left guessing, but me - I like my symmetry, and I like honesty, and I found it profoundly frustrating that both those stories were left unfinished.

As to what I would do differently - I don’t particularly like fluff, and I don’t think either Cas or Dean are ready for a relationship right now, so I guess - what I would change is that I would make this thing between them textual but not to each other? There are many ways to do that - romantic movies basically live off them - character A talks to her friends or parents, has a revealing dream, thinks out loud, writes in a journal, does something incredibly stupid which makes it clear they’re madly in love - we’re spoiled for choice. The how and what, of course, depends on the world around your characters, and the specific challenges they face, which is why my way of bringing Dean and Cas together varies with the story I’m telling. In one fic, it’s Dean who comes forward and downright invites Cas to stay the night; in another, it’s Cas who demands that Dean comes clean about his feelings; in yet another one, Dean acknowledges those feelings, but says he can’t act on them because of Imminent Death and whatever else; and in the one I’m writing right now, my AU!S13, well - you’ll have to wait and see. For the show itself, I like a suggestion that’s been surfing through tumblr for a while - an episode featuring some ex of Dean’s (a man) so that Sam will be forced to put the pieces together, and next, some kind of conversation about Cas, and how Dean doesn’t feel worthy or ready or something. Sam shouldn’t play matchmaker (I know we like that in fanfiction, but I doubt that canon!Sam has either the skill or the inclination to do that), but knowing this very private thing about his brother - well - that can only be healthy, for both of them. And when it finally comes out (with Cas), I think it should be in anger, because that’s who Dean is - someone who blurts out things he never meant to say when he’s terrified and furious and worried out of his mind - and next, I’d have them separated, of course, because UST is a good thing and yay and keep it up. 

(Oh, and as for what I would be okay with - every single romantic relationship on Supernatural has been about falling into bed together, and Dean is a deeply sexual person, and we know Cas is not against that - at all, so no - I wouldn’t be happy with a five minute handshake at the very end, but I also wouldn’t be happy with the show changing everything it is jut to fit a romance in - and, most of all, I wouldn’t be happy with an ambiguous, ‘you’re the viewer, you decide’ Sherlock ending - nope. What I want is enough time for both characters to come to terms with how they’re feeling, followed by a clear, textual scene of them getting together, followed by their relationship being never brought up again as a central element of the show. Everything stays exactly the same, except sometimes Dean and Cas get a room just for the two of them, and Dean fixes Cas’ tie (which he does anyway), and Sam teases him about something or other because he’s a little shit, and Cas stares at Dean - a lot (which he does anyway), and maybe more hugs? and that’s it. They hunt, they do stuff, they face tragic choices - Supernatural shouldn’t be about a love story - it just shouldn’t hide it, because there’s nothing wrong with your main character being queer and it’s 2017 so maybe deal with it, show?)

[hammondcast]

Jon Hammond Show 01 28 Broadcast MNN TV Jazz Blues and Soft News Winter NAMM Episode

Jon Hammond Show 01 28 Broadcast MNN TV Jazz Blues and Soft News Winter NAMM Episode #WATCHMOVIE HERE: Jon Hammond Show 01 28 Broadcast MNN TV Jazz Blues and Soft News Winter NAMM Episode Jon's archive https://archive.org/details/JonHammondShow0128BroadcastMNNTVJazzBluesAndSoftNewsWinterNAMMEpisode Youtube https://youtu.be/QjERNl-5_BU Vimeo https://vimeo.com/201233695 Facebook video https://www.facebook.com/hammondcast/videos/10154087971052102/ Jon Hammond Show 01 28 Broadcast MNN TV Jazz Blues and Soft News Winter NAMM Episode First segment: Anaheim CA -- 2017 NAMM Show Sunday Blues and Jazz Session with Jon Hammond and Friends "White Onions" - Koei Tanaka on Suzuki Harmonica - Official Facebook Page chromatic harmonica, Chuggy Carter (GON BOPS) percussion, Joe Berger guitar (TV Jones), Jon Hammond at the Sk1 Hammond organ - camera: Jesse Gay, Special thanks Steve Simmons, Ray Gerlich, Scott May, Suzuki Musical Instruments Team - in memory of Gregg Gregory Gronowski Second segment: NAMM Show 2017, Camera Credit: Jesse Gay, thanks Jesse! -- Thanks to our good friends at Canopus Drums for the Organ Trio Session today with Heinz Lichius drums, Arno Haas tenor saxophone, Jon Hammond Sk1 organ - powered by TecAmp USA neo bass cabinet - and beautiful Italian designer Keyboard Stand by Bespeco Professional, Alex Mingmann Hsieh / P. Mauriat 保爾‧莫莉亞 Taiwan #NAMMShow #CanopusDrums #Bespeco #TecAmpUSA #HammondOrgan #Pmauriat 3rd segment: NAMM Show Sunday Blues and Jazz Session with Jon Hammond and Friends in Hammond Organs stand 5104 and Suzuki Musical Instruments 5100 "Lydia's Tune" and Jon's Theme Song: "Late Rent" Musicians: Koei Tanaka chromatic harmonica, Joe Berger guitar, Chuggy Carter percussion, Jon Hammond at the Sk1 Hammond organ + bass #NAMMShow #PioneerDJ #HammondOrgan #CenterStage #Blackberry #Funk #Jazz #CableAccessTV #MNNTV #ManhattanNeighborhoodNetwork http://www.HammondCast.com NAMM LINK for Jon Hammond Funk Unit https://www.namm.org/thenammshow/2017/events/jon-hammond-funk-unit Producer Jon Hammond Language English Breaking News: Summer Of Love 50th. Anniversary CONCERT June 4th 2017 Event Producer Boots Hughston on HammondCast just after 40th, 10 years ago: Jon Hammond LINK: https://archive.org/details/JonHammondBootsHughstonInterviewonHammondCastKYOURadio Copy: "For Immediate Release 1/25/17 San Francisco: 2b1 Multimedia Inc and the Council of Light Announce San Francisco’s - What: When: Where: Admission: Times: Promoted by: Non-Profit: Web Site: Facebook: Press Contacts: 2b1 Multimedia Inc and the Council of Light Announce San Francisco’s Summer of Love 50th Anniversary CONCERT June 4th 2017 Polo Fields Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA 50th Anniversary of the Summer of Love, San Francisco June 4, 2017 Polo Fields, Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA Free 9am to 7pm 2b1 Multimedia Inc and the Council of Light, (415) 870-5312 NBPF Inc, a 501(c)(3), a tax-exempt organization 50thsummeroflove.com 50th Anniversary Summer of Love https://www.facebook.com/groups/50SOL/ Delphia Arrowood-Barsotti PR, (707) 542-6707 J.C. Juanis Media Relations, (510) 273-2490 The Summer of Love is a celebration of the original “Human Be-In” held in San Francisco in 1967 promoting the principles of Peace, Love and Compassion. This event is considered by many to be the birth of the counter- culture and the spark that ignited the 60’s Hip movement; which took the world by storm. Presidents were impeached and wars were stopped, a sea of humanity stood up and said “Hell No”. This pivotal moment was the start of many earth-shattering events and a mass spiritual awaking that inspired the Peace Movement, Anti-War Movement, The Environmental Movements, Gay Rights Movement, Women’s Movement etc all having their start and taking hold during this period. On June 4th, in San Francisco’s Polo Fields, there will be 21 bands, 32 speakers, Native American Indians, Tibetan Monks, all performing for FREE celebrating this spiritual awakening that shattered perceptions and made the world take notice. All are welcome - Admission FREE. SUMMER OF LOVE PROCLAMATION There are moments in time when a word or thought has such power it changes history; a generation so involved in the moment it becomes unstoppable; a spiritual awakening so profound that its very conception shatters perceptions, halts the world and makes people from all nations take notice. It began with a simple four-letter word – LOVE! In the 1960s this word became synonymous with a generation and city called San Francisco. It was a concept, a belief deep in the hearts of all who were there (and those who wished they were). It began with Ken Kesey, the Merry Pranksters and their bus “Furthur”, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, Lawrence Ferlinghetti and the Beat Generation. They gathered in places like North Beach, Haight Ashbury, and in cities like Palo Alto, Berkeley, Seattle, Portland, New York and L.A. These pockets of counter- cultural, anti-establishment individuals questioned authority and their surroundings while searching for the real meaning of life and deeper truths. These small communities of like- minded individuals and their “families” of communal creativity focused on poetry, art, folk music, jazz, and rock ’n roll, demanding to be free of societal restrictions, restraints and hang- ups. Then one summer it happened! “We Were Everywhere!” The pureness of thought exploded exponentially and there were now millions of us. This event, this historical moment, which included most of 1967, became known as the “SUMMER OF LOVE.” During this period the Peace Movement was born, with the “Human Be-In” in San Francisco and then the “Love-Ins” in New York. Anti-war demonstrations occurred everywhere and college campuses erupted with thousands of people protesting the draft. The American Indians took Alcatraz, the Black Panthers took Sacramento and the Brown movement demanded social change. Even the Olympic athletes stood up with fist raised to show solidarity with the winds of change. This startled our government, a president was impeached and a war was stopped. An entire generation stood up and shouted “Hell no, we won’t go!” During this period change was occurring on multiple levels, giving birth to a variety of social movements: the Free Speech Movement, the Free Love Movement, the Women’s Movement, the Gay Rights Movement, the Sexual Revolution, the Spiritual Movement, the Farm Workers Movement, the Environmental Movement, the Ecology Movement, the Animal Rights Movement, the Student Movements, the Civil Rights Movement and the Anti-War Movement. The message was clear – the world was uniting behind one principle and one thought – LOVE! – and its affirmation of PEACE, COMPASSION and UNDERSTANDING. The word was brought forth by musicians such as Peter Paul & Mary, Donovan, Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, the Grateful Dead and Jefferson Airplane and then carried on by many English musicians like Eric Clapton, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. In the midst of this freethinking environment a renaissance of gifted geniuses emerged with the likes of John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison. New concepts and inventions touched every segment of society: the transistor silicon wafer, the calculator, the personal computer and the internet. The international community was in awe of this explosion of creativity. All this started with a simple word, a simple thought – LOVE! And a generation of freethinking people who were willing to stand up and be counted while proudly proclaiming their willingness to be different. This period of change is commemorated by celebrating the “SUMMER OF LOVE” It stands for: Truth and individual freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom to make a choice – sexually, spiritually and socially. Our right to be different. Our right to refuse to fight without judging those who did. Creativity, love and respect for all things. Our right to make a difference. Our right to think independently. Our willingness to share with others." #SummerofLove #Bands #BootsHughston #HumanBeIn Anaheim, California -- Jon Hammond receiving the news over his famous BlackBerry phone that his band's scheduled concert on CenterStage NAMM Show has really been canceled - rarely do you see Hammond pressing the phone up to his ear because of microwaves emitting - but as NAMM Production Manager Greg Herreman's voice came crackling over the phone with the decisive word "Canceled" it was clear the 6 piece band would not be playing this show until Winter NAMM 2018 - "we would like to extend the invitation to perform at the 2018 NAMM Show." - yes we'll be back next year folks! - Photo by Lawrence Gay https://www.namm.org/thenamm…/…/events/jon-hammond-funk-unit Jon Hammond Funk Unit Koei Tanaka - chromatic harmonica Joe Berger - guitar Heinz Lichius - drums Alex Budman - tenor sax Chuggy Carter - percussion Jon Hammond - organ + bass Keep Making Music, believe in music Performance Info Friday, January 20, 2017 - 4:00pm to 4:40pm NAMM CenterStage Presented by Pioneer DJ (BC Patio) #NAMMShow #PioneerDJ #HammondOrgan #CenterStage #Blackberry #Funk #Jazz #Accordion #ExcelsiorAccordions Bernard Purdie talking with Lawrence Gay co-producer of West Coast Live Radio Show Tokyo Big Sight -- It seems like it was just yesterday we were over in Tokyo for Japan Musical Instruments Show! - Jon Hammond http://www.jonhammondband.com/blog.html/hammond_b3_of_the_future_xk5_slated_to_make_daily_appearances_jon_hammond_organ_group_winter_namm_musikmesse_prolight__sound/ NAMM Show Canopus Drums Session by Jon Hammond Jon's archive https://archive.org/details/NAMMShowCanopusDrumsSession Youtube https://youtu.be/noZRV3WW7OQ Vimeo https://vimeo.com/200553239 NAMM Show 2017, Camera Credit: Jesse Gay, thanks Jesse! -- Thanks to our good friends at Canopus Drums for the Organ Trio Session today with Heinz Lichius drums, Arno Haas tenor saxophone, Jon Hammond organ - powered by TecAmp USA neo bass cabinet - and beautiful Italian designer Keyboard Stand by Bespeco Professional, Alex Mingmann Hsieh / P. Mauriat 保爾‧莫莉亞 Taiwan Thanks to Shinichi Usuda President Canopus Co., Ltd. and Canopus Team: Taxi Okuyama, Joey Klaparda, Taka Matsumoto TecAmp USA Glenn Kawamoto, Bespeco Professional S.r.l. Team, Silvia, Ettore, Francesco, Alessandro, Corrado - P.Mauriat Saxophones Alex Hsieh "Go For The Sound", Thomas Pistone NAMM Security, Joe Lamond NAMM President CEO http://www.HammondCast.com #NAMMShow #CanopusDrums #Bespeco #TecAmpUSA #HammondOrgan Pmauriat Albest​ Producer Jon Hammond Language English Photos by Lawrence Gay Hammond B3 Of The Future XK5 Slated to Make Daily Appearances Jon Hammond Organ Group Winter NAMM Musikmesse ProLight + Sound Jon Hammond Organ Demo Hammond B3 of The Future XK-5 as seen at Tokyo Big Sight Japan Musical Instruments Fair Jon's archive https://archive.org/details/JonHammondShowPreview1126FromTokyoJapanFunkSoulMusicNewXK5HammondOrganAndB3 Youtube https://youtu.be/uY7y-uLol2o Facebook video https://www.facebook.com/hammondcast/videos/10153902968662102/ Published November 19, 2016 Usage Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Topics Japan Music Fair, Manhattan Neighborhood Network, Tokyo, Jon Hammond Show, Funk Soul Music, Chromatic Harmonica, B3 organ, XK5 Hammond, Modeled Tonewheel 1, #HammondOrgan Tokyo Japan — Jon Hammond Broadcast for MNN TV Cable Access, 34th year Friday nights at 01:30AM (Sat.) Channel 1 - first segment from Tokyo Big Sight Japan -- Very special dedication at Musical Instruments Fair Japan Second Day to my good friend Waichiro Tachikawa aka Tachi - reprising 10 years later Mercy Mercy with the great Suzuki Chromatic harmonica masters Koei Tanaka and Tokuichi Inoue (Stevie Wonder's friends and harmonica makers!), Joe Berger playing custom guitar built by Tor Arne Engdal and Jon Hammond at the exciting new Hammond organ product, the XK-5 aka XK5 presented in the full blown version Heritage Pro System with high power model 3300 Leslie Speaker daily onstage in the Suzuki Musical Instruments stand - enjoy this Full High Definition Film that will bring you right there to the bi-annual fair in the Big Sight convention and exhibition center in Tokyo, Japan - the largest one in the country! See you again in 2018 folks! These instruments are available now from your local Hammond Suzuki representitives - Jon Hammond *Note: We will also be appearing at Winter NAMM Show, Frankfurt musikmesse Prolight + Sound and Summer NAMM Show 31st year - this is the New B3 of the Future, now! “The New Original” - JH Jon Hammond is playing the New Hammond XK-5 Organ product from Suzuki Musical Instruments with “Modelled Tone Wheel 1” (MTW1) Tone Generator. MTW™ (Modeled Tone Wheels) Second segment: Japan Music Fair LIVE Get Back in The Groove XK5 featuring Koei Tanaka and Joe Berger plus special guest Tokuichi Inoue chromatic Harmonica Masters from Suzuki Musical Instruments - Jon Hammond is playing the new XK-5 Hammond organ and high power Leslie Speaker, the new standard in Hammond B3 digital organ, best modern Hammond organ in history, enjoy! Jon Hammond photo Steve aka Shunichi Horiuchi! Third segment: Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo -- LATE RENT Theme Song in famous Hammond orgasm​ #Hammondorgasm Rock Club Tokyo Japan - Hammond B3 organ lounge where the late great Keith Emerson used to hang out - MUSICIANS: KOEI TANAKA harmonica, - Koei Tanaka​ JOE BERGER guitar, - Joe Berger​ KIMIAKI TOBE drums, - Kimiaki Tobe​ JON HAMMOND B3 organ - Jon Hammond Special thanks: George Massahillo Oya​ & Atsuko Oya​ - Hammond orgasm Team - Shinjuku Tokyo - "Shinjuku is a special ward in Tokyo, Japan. It is a major commercial and administrative centre, housing the busiest railway station in the world and the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building,” Producer: Jon Hammond ©JON HAMMOND Intl. http://www.HammondCast.com Producer Jon Hammond Language English Interviews Sennheiser Jon Hammond Headphones Microphones Organ Accordion Music Archive NAMM Musikmesse http://jonhammondband.com/blog.html/interviews_sennheiser_jon_hammond_headphones_microphones_organ_accordion_music_archive_namm_musikmesse/ - Jon Hammond L to R Dr. Andreas Sennheiser, Jon Hammond, Daniel Sennheiser Parking lot of Sennheiser Headquarters in Wedemark Germany, Knut Benzner of NDR with 421 mic and Norbert Hilbich long-time Sennheiser man! Jon Hammond using Sennheiser e855 evolution microphone on interview with Tommy Denander and Mathias Melo in Hollywood Nashville Tennessee -- Jon Hammond interviewing legendary Roy Clark with Sennheiser evolution e855 microphone Winter NAMM 2017 @NAMMShow @HammondCast #JonHammond NAMM Show, Rained Out Concert, Jon Hammond, Funk Unit, Chromatic Harmonica, XK5, Suzuki Musical Instruments, #CenterStage #HammondOrgan